Fat, Achy and Always Tired

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                            WHERE I’M AT 

At 28 that’s how I feel and it’s ridiculous. Granted I just started a new horse internship, while working full time, and am on my feet around 16 hours, three days a week while trying to maintain some semblance of a life outside of work and the internship BUT why the hell would I want to be this way? And how did I let myself get here?

Right now, as I sit here typing this I am 205lbs and 5ft 8in. My knee’s crackle and feel strange when I climb stairs from the excess weight. I need more sleep and more recovery time from activities because my joints swell overnight if I don’t drink enough water or had a hard workout. ALL of my casual jeans got rubbed raw at the inseam because my thighs constantly run together at such weight that they couldn’t last six months later. WHAT?! How is that something I should be dealing with as a 28 year old?

I am uncomfortable in my own skin and I hate seeing my self on the videos posted to our progress page on Facebook because my ass looks wider than an eighteen wheeler, my legs look weirdly disproportionate to my hips, and my belly looks like its overflowing and my arms are wobbly and make my head look too small for my own body. 

I want to feel good, I don’t want to be achy and tired and feel like all of my efforts are for nothing. I dont want to feel like I’m overburdening my horse and that I have to make sure and look at the weight requirements for saddles, horses or anything. I don’t want to have to worry about it!

I am not trying to say that I hate myself, I love myself and that’s why I deserve the best and for my body to reflect how awesome I feel I am on the inside. I don’t want to be distracted by how I look in my horse internship progress videos, I want to be focused on how I can improve my form or my communication or really anything else.  

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                          HOW I GOT HERE

To be honest, it doesn’t really matter. It was the usual stuff, overeating, not working out, giving up. Giving up was the biggest one, I’ve started more diets and more exercise programs, with promises, than I care to admit.

I got my NASM certification and worked in a gym, I used to be a dancer, and still I am 200+lbs because I just didnt hold myself accountable. I wasnt honest with myself in photos and just placed it in the back of my mind like the weight would fall off if I just didnt think about it.

So I say again, it doesn’t really matter how I got here, it matters that I know I need to change, am honest with myself about where I am and that I’m going to do something about it.

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           WHAT I’M GOING TO DO ABOUT IT

OK! Enough negativity. Shake it off. Now for the good stuff. 

Let’s get to the action movie portion where I get a montage and make my major transformation. Unlike the movie, instead of a few minutes, I’m looking at a more than a few months to shed this weight that I allowed to accumulate.

STEP 1. Promises

  • I promise to track everything I eat
  • I promise to stay under my calorie count
  • I promise to drink a gallon of water a day
  • I promise to lift 3x per week
  • I promise to enjoy what I eat

These are the simple promises I am making to myself to keep me accountable to myself and use the tools I have to succeed. I am going to be following a program that I have yet to use, recommended to me by a former lifting friend on Facebook: Advanced Fat Loss – by KinoBody. I also purchased the Cardio, Abs and Mobility program and the KinoChef programs to give me all the information I need to succeed. This is not an extreme program, it is a sensible and easy prigram that resonates with the foods and things I like. I will do a follow up post in a month with the program.

STEP 2. Do It

So now that I’ve made all of these lovely promises to myself, how do I keep them. JUST DO IT. Seriously, I know I’ve linked to this book before, but in Mel Robbins – 5 Second Rule she talks about just that. Am I going to feel like working out on days where I’ve been up since 4:30 am and been on my feet the whole time? No. Doesn’t matter, if I want to succeed, I will workout 3x per week. Same goes for the water, tracking food and staying under my caories. I am never going to feel like doing any of it, but I have to, to get what I want.

STEP 3. Progress

All of these efforts won’t mean anything if I cannot see how far I’ve come. Even at 25lbs less I will probably still find ways to pick myself apart and feel like I haven’t really accomplished anything.

So to remain accountable, I so solemnly swear to:

  • Take pictures daily
  • Take my weight daily
  • Post my weight weekly
  • Take measurements weekly and post it
  • Make a progress side by side to compare and post it here weekly

I am also going to be using the Best Self Journal system to really be in the moment, and as they say on their calendar “Win the day, win the year.” I might change that to Win the Day, Gain the Goal, but same premise. And this leads me into the last and final part…
STEP 4. Enjoy the Process + Profit

 This is what I struggle with the most, just letting the goal go, and enjoying the process of what i am undertaking. Wether that’s weight loss or working with my horse, I tend to be so goal oriented that I loose sight of the enjoyment of just being in it. 

So I also promise to slwo down and enjoy my process. As long as I am sticking to my promises and progressing, I can take the time to enjoy it. 

I’m looking forward to seeing how far I can take myself, and the journey ahead. 

-♡NHW

 

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